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The Face-Palmiest Michael Scott Dating Moments And Advice From The Office

The Office UK - Online Dating

Michael Scott: Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody. Michael Scott: Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We are fine. Michael Scott: Oh, right. Michael Scott: Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Pam: Oh, I have more. Beasley if yer nastay! Janet Jackson. You having a wardrobe malfunction there? Or w Pam: Oh, Michael. You can't be nasty today. Oh, God is that today? Pam: I reminded you last night. Michael: Listen, I like kids. But this is not a kid's environment. This is like HBO, no limits. Who knows what I'm going to say?

Crazy stuff. And it is R rated, it is not rated G. Michael: Well, I'll be in my office. Pam: Don't you think you should say something? Michael: They're cool. Pam: Michael, I think that as the boss you should really Michael: Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, children. I'm Michael Scott, and Jim and Dwight: [in unison] That's Batman.

Michael: Okay, I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys? Jim: The ocean. Michael: [under his breath] I work with a bunch of nerds. Dwight: [looks at Sasha] Mmm Toby: [to Sasha] Come on.

Dwight: You are the future! Kevin: This Kevin: Abby's my fiancee Stacy's daughter, I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look on my computer. Actually, I'd better go check. Stanley: Michael, you remember my daughter, Melissa. Michael: Oh, yes, hello, how are you? Good to see you. Wow, you've really grown up. You know what? Don't mind me saying so, she is turning into a stone cold fox. Better keep the Melissa: I'm in eighth grade.

Jun 9, - Thought using Alan Partridge quotes on Tinder was funny? and thoughts of Mr Brent in the online dating game, you might be playing with fire. Please don't freak out if your favorite quote is not on the list! Michael: Am I going to .. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of. [blows into whistle] But I'm sort of the conductor of the office here, right? [blows into .. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands.

Michael: Oh. Stanley: She's in middle school. Michael: Yeah, middle school's amazing. It is extraordinary. An extraordinary time. Michael: It's not that children make me uncomfortable, it's just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle. Michael: [while Jake is throwing things at Michael] They want how many spiral pads? Meredith: Um, fif--well, fifty Michael: Okay. Meredith: I got permission to bring Jake into work, which is great because he got suspended this week and now I don't have to pay for a sitter.

Angela: Can you put that down there? Kelly: Yep. Sasha: Do you need any help? Angela: No.

Don't @ Me: I'm Sick of Seeing 'The Office' Quotes in Dating Apps. “'You Miss All of this to say, I know that online dating isn't easy. Guys. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and I have a great. Jan 17, - In online dating, if your Tinder or Bumble match says something weird, they messaged her Tinder match with quotes from The Office and their.

Toby: Alright, I wasn't expecting that. Let's uh Kelly: Oh my God, she is so cute, I want to die. Don't you just love kids, Angela? Angela: I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys. Kelly: God I cannot wait to get pregnant and have babies!

Ryan: Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun, and, I'm learning that fun for Kelly is With me. Michael: [on phone] Just compare last year's order to this year's. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now.

We--yeah, they're very--they're different. Pam: Hey, Abby! Do you want to help me shred some old documents? It's actually pretty cool. Abby: No thanks. Pam: I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me. Just one. Jim: What are you reading? Basil E. Jim: Aww, best book? Abby: Yeah, but I've read it before. Jim: Pfft. So have I. Hey, question.

If you had to spend a night in the Met or the Aquarium, which would it be? Abby: Definitely the Aquarium. Jim: Definitely. Glad you said that. You don't want to help me with some of my sales, do you?

Abby: Sure. Jim: Really?

Don’t @ Me: I’m Sick of Seeing ‘The Office’ Quotes in Dating Apps

Abby: Mmhmm! Jim: Yesss. And you're Abby, right? Abby: Yeah. Jim: I'm Jim. Abby: Alright. Jim: Let's start with Michael: [on phone] Yes. Can I call you back? I'll call you right back. Yes, I promise. Hello, can I help you? You can pick that up, if you want. That's that's alright. My name's Michael. What's your name? Sasha: Sasha. Michael: Nice to meet you. Sasha: Ooh! That is a train whistle, like I'm the conductor.

Sasha: Sure. Next stop, Cu Jim: [shaking hands with Abby] Ow, ow, ow, ow, you broke my hand. Dwight: There is no way that hurt. Dwight: Little girl. Come over here. Shake my hand.

Michael Scott on Online Dating. Post with 72 votes and # DwightSchruteQuotesLifeLessons Best Of The Office, Dunder Mifflin, Office Quotes, Office Memes. May 8, - Relive the 50 most hysterical moments from "The Office" before Dunder Mifflin closes its doors forever. Michael Scott on Online Dating. Image courtesy of Imgur, MagicAero One of my favourite quotes from The Office. Great nickname.

Come on, I don't have all day. Jake: Do you have any computer games? Dwight: No, I don't have computer games on my work computer. That would be innappropriate. Jake: Yeah, Meredith doesn't have any either. It's so lame here. Dwight: You call your mom Meredith? That's very disrespectful. Jake: Whatever, okay? Dwight: You can refer to me as Mister Schrute.

Jake: That's your name? Mister Poop? Dwight: Schrute. Mister Schrute. Jake: Sure, Mister Poop. Melissa: I drink like, a hundred Ice Macchiatos a day, and practically nothing else. Ryan: Wow. Melissa: There's a really cool coffee place, Jitters, at the Steamtown Mall.

Ever been there? Ryan: No. Melissa: You've never been to Jitters? Ryan, you are so dorky. Gimme your number, so I can text you. Ryan: Uhm Melissa: Come on! Stanley: Mmhmm. Kelly: I think something a little fishy is going on. Kelly: Yeah. I mean, I've been noticing them all day, I was thinking that maybe Stanley: That little girl is a child! I don't want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand?!

Ryan: Yes, I-- Stanley: Boy have you lost your mind? Whatcha lookin' for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there! Jesus could come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child! Ryan: Okay. Ryan: Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. Dwight: [plays the recorder] That was Greensleeves. A traditional English Ballad about the beheaded Anne Boleyn. And now, a very special treat This is a very special story, it's called Struwwelpeter, by Heinrich Hoffman from And 'ere they dream when he's about, he takes his great sharp scissors out, and then cuts their thumbs clean off!

Michael: Dwight! Dwight: There's a photo Michael: What the hell are you reading to them? Dwight: These are cautionary tales for kids, my Grandmata used to read these Michael: Yeah, you know what?

No, no no no no. They, no. The kids don't want to hear some wierdo book that your Nazi war criminal grandmother gave you. Sasha: What's a Nazi? Michael: What's a Nazi? Dwight: [standing up] Nazi was a fascist movement Michael: Don't! Don't talk about Nazis in front of you know what? They're going to have nightmares, so why don't you just shut it? Dwight: I was gonna teach the children how to make corn-husk dolls.

Michael: [sighing] Why don't you just leave? Jake: Bye, Mister Poop. Michael: Alright. There goes Mister Poop. Now, who likes Dane Cook? The Kids: [raising hands] I do, I do!

Michael: Children cannot lie. They are innocent, and they speak the truth, and out of the mouths of babes, Michael Scott is freaking cool. Angela: You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father because he was a very strict disciplinarian. I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities [makes eye contact with Dwight]. Michael: This is where the magic happens!

Right over here, let me show you this. See all these? That's paper. This is where paper comes from. Any questions? Melissa: So Michael: No, we don't actually cut the paper. That's a good question.

The paper is sent to us cut, and dyed, from a paper manufacturer, and then we sell it to a business for more than we paid for it. Abby: That's not fair. Jake: You're just a middleman.

Michael: I'm not just a middle Melissa: Wait, why doesn't the saw mill just sell paper directly to people? Michael: You are describing Office Depot, and they're kind of running us out of business. Dwight: We have better service than they do! There's Creed! Let's take a look at what he's doing, everybody!

This is Creed, and he is in charge of Creed: That is correct. Michael: Say hi to the kids. Creed: Hi kids. Michael: Yaaaaay. Creed: Have you ever seen a foot with four toes? Michael: What are you doing? N--stop it! Stop it! Just--no, no, no, no! Would you cut it out?! What is your problem? Creed: Th-the hair covers it, mostly. Michael: No no no, we're not gonna see we're not gonna see the four toed Creed, okay?

Michael: You know, there's something interesting about me you might want to know.

Kids: No way. Michael: It's true. I did. Melissa: You serious?

Jake: Really? Michael: I am totally serious.

The office quotes online dating

There was a show called 'Fundle Bundle' and I was the star. Abby: That doesn't sound like a show. Melissa: What?! Michael: It's true! I can prove it! I can prove it, watch this.

The Dinner Party From Hell - The Office US

In the basement is a tape labeled 'Fundle Bundle'. I want you to grab it, I want you to get my guitar. Ryan: Right. Michael: I want you to get the tambourine. Do you know how to play the tambourine? Ryan: Um, I'm already getting the pizzas from Bernetti's, so Melissa: You know, I can go with him.

Michael: Oka-- Ryan: No! I will Michael: Okay! Thank you Ryan. Good attitude, hottest in the office. Michael: [to Abby] Alright, nowwww Michael: I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. You joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives They're adults, for God's sake.

Michael: I am going to give you a little blast from the past of Michael Gary Scott when he was a child star, and a show that you might remember called 'Fundle Bundle. Without further ado, Ryan? Miss Trudy: [from TV] Bundle, are you ready to come on in? Michael: That Can't tell from the costume, but she had an amazing body. Okay, you can I want you Dwight: Is that a real fun shooting windmill?

Michael: Stop! That is, uh, Edward R. Jim: That's pretty funny. Michael: Yeah. Edward R. Hey, what's your name? Chet: My name's Chet. Meow: Well hi Chet. Oscar: Is that Chet Montgomery?

Michael: Uhh, I don't know. Pam: That is! Darryl: Checkin' in with Chet. Doppler's up. Meow: What do you want to be when you grow up? Chet: I want to be on TV! Dwight: [employees chuckle] And he is on TV now!

Michael: Can everyone please shut up, please! So you don't miss it. Meow: Okay, next? So, whats your name? Michael: Oh! That's me. Meow: Well what's your favorite subject at school? Young Michael: Recess. Meow: Ree-cesss.

So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up? Young Michael: I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend. Meow: [jaw drops, awkward pause] Uh, ah Well uh, nice talking with you, Michael. Uh, back to you Miss Trudy! Miss Trudy: Hi everyone, it's one of my favorite times of the day.

Michael: Coulda sworn there was Melissa: Did you get married? Abby: Why not? Michael: Uh, just never happened. Sasha: So, do you have any kids? Michael: Uh, nope. Jake: Do you have a girlfriend? Michael: I do okay. Melissa: Was Chet Montgomery cool back then? Michael: Yes. Jake: Even I have a girlfriend. Alright, okay. Sasha: So you didn't get to be what you wanted to be. I guess not Pam: He's not coming out. He won't pick up the phone. Jim: Can't believe his mom dressed him like that, that's the real tragedy.

Roy: [wrestling with Jake] Pam! I love this guy! Pam: So, Melissa I met your mom a couple times. She's so nice. Melissa: Who?

Pam: Mmhmm. Melissa: That woman is not my mother. That is my step-mother. Jake: Mister Poop, I have to tell you something. Dwight: Uh, okay. But first, that's not my name.

Jake: You're ugly. Dwight: Well at least I'm not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school. Jake: Meredith! Michael: [Toby knocks on door] Yeah? Toby: I think these belong to you. Toby: Believe me, she has enough toys Michael Scott: Well, check to see if there is a conversion chart in the notebook. A gno. A gay. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys. Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?

Business Student : What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain? Michael Scott: It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean. Michael Scott: Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind. Michael Scott: Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Just ask Charlie Brown.

Michael Scott: Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service.

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