How to set boundaries in your relationship.- Setting healthy boundariesHenry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have great insights and practical wisdom into the God-given gift of boundaries. As they discuss how to take responsibility for and ownership of our lives, they give hope that we cannot just survive -- but thrive! Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not.
The common sense advice helps those who might not have a lot of dating experience am I saying this from a place of Zoo wee Mama, do I have some thoughts on this one. The common sense advice helps those who might not have a lot of dating experience am I saying this from a place of personal experience? Especially if you're Christian.
This book reminds us that no, you're a human, you can ask for proper treatment and allow consequences if your needs are not respected or met. It removes the guilt of wanting space, and removes the stigma of a "crazy" partner who doesn't want you looking through their phone all for the sake of love. Some other thoughts I had: Cloud and Townstead write a lot about boundaries, about growth, etc, but seem to forget that when it comes to dating, purity culture is being dismantled day by day for good reason.
Every chapter, you get hit in the face with the fact that Cloud and Townstead don't like sex before marriage.
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Cool, great, nice, but why is this in a chapter about not cutting yourself off from friends and family? Also, Cloud and Townstead are two middle aged dudes who dated when purity culture was still running rampant. If you want dating advice written for a modern age please put your pitchforks down before you try be for heretical thoughtthis might not be the BEST book, but it's a good book.
A lot of their views on sex are in line with the hushed whispers and Bible thumping rigid thoughts of Midwest Protestantism. It gets tiring. I also found it interesting that some of the examples used include people who are dedicated enough to be talking marriage, then decide that when the other isn't willing to commit yet which is fine and established more as the partner needing time, or needing to see their partner isn't going to wait foreverthey're just going to "see other people" for a while.
Maybe it's the language but that sounds like a strange lack of commitment for a relationship discussing marriage. I digress, and nitpick, and I know that. Not a bad book. Sep 21, emilie. Actual rating: 2. Still, the title sounded like it would have been helpful to me and it was on sale, so into my Kindle it went. After all, this one encourages… casual dating! You may come from a good family and relational background.
You may be a well-rounded person…But Actual rating: 2. You may be a well-rounded person…But, even given these advantages, the specific arena of dating, like any other relational undertaking, must be experienced through hours and hours of trial and error. Thank you!! Tell this to the purity culture warriors, please! This wasn't a bad guide by any means. There were some great pieces of advice that anyone can apply to their love life, though some readers may consider the bulk of it good old common sense.
I've highlighted many passages that could help me improve in certain areas, or serve as reminders.
Since this is a Christian book, I expected to come across bits implying that couples who have sex before marriage are "shallow. Thankfully, most of that is contained in one or two chapters and doesn't permeate the entire book as much as I thought it would.
Another downside I sorta had with this guide was the emphasis on having a system to hold you accountable. This isn't a negative thing at all-a support group or even one good listener is valuable when you're pursuing a relationship. What I took from it was the authors assuming that everyone inherently has that support, which isn't the case. This may sound nitpicky and you could probably say the same about many self-help books. I just wish they had provided genuine advice once in a while, instead of ending a section with "go talk to your friends.
There could be many reasons someone doesn't have close friends, that have nothing to do with that person being morally or characteristically flawed. It was pretty judgmental. Generally speaking, this is an okay book if you're about to begin dating and feel unknowing or overwhelmed.
While I did have a few issues with it, and a better part of the advice will be very obvious if you have any self-awareness, there were some good things to balance it out. Feb 16, Jennifer rated it liked it. People kept telling me to read this.
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Fine, I did. I don't believe in this book because most of these things should be common sense. And after reading this, I believe that still holds. This book may be more pertinent if there are issues in a relationship or dichotomies in your expectations, religious views and morals.
The book does a good at looking at all aspects of dating from beginning to end: from when you start looking for a partner to when you are one year in. While I'm still not a strong a People kept telling me to read this.
While I'm still not a strong advocate of this book, some of the issues covered are good reminders for any relationship.
Jan 26, Devon Johnson rated it it was amazing. Oh this really is full of helpful guidance and I do recommend it to anyone out there in or hoping for a dating relationship. I mean, it is super Christian. But also, it can be very hard to tell where to draw the line in a relationship and how to know when to stay or go. But this book did help to lay a foundation for establishing boundaries and I do bring it up fairly often in my own dating relationship - at times whe Oh this really is full of helpful guidance and I do recommend it to anyone out there in or hoping for a dating relationship.
Jan 21, Carolyn Page rated it it was amazing. A plus. I love this book. It's from a Christian perspective, but it is mostly common sense. It addresses sex and physical boundaries, but it isn't fixated on it thank goodness. It is about good boundaries of every sort, and addresses dating as it's supposed to be, and doesn't talk down to those who would like to date without a chaperone sitting ten feet away. As someone who's made mistakes in dating, this is the book I'm going to keep on my shelf for when my children get to inquiring about how A plus.
As someone who's made mistakes in dating, this is the book I'm going to keep on my shelf for when my children get to inquiring about how it works. I wish I had this resource! Jun 15, Trevor rated it liked it Shelves: christianityrelationships. This book was decent. Like all dating books written in the s, it is in part responding to I Kissed Dating Goodbye and I felt like it was a little too pro-dating at times.
However, that's not the purpose of the book. The book outlines a lengthy series of potential problems in your dating relationships and how to avoid them or solve them. In this I thought it was well done but I do not think it would be helpful or encouraging for teenagers.
View all 5 comments. Mar 16, Matt rated it it was amazing. Excellent book on how to maturely date. The authors are direct and clear about what is healthy and what is not, and pull from their experience as psychologists and marital counselors to reinforce their points. The bible is used heavily, but their advice stands firm with or without the use of religion. Mar 06, Dina rated it it was amazing. A great book.
Boundaries in Dating offers illuminating insights for romance that can help you grow in freedom, honesty, and self-control as you pursue a healthy dating Missing: index ?| Must include: index. Your browser does not currently recognize any of the video formats available. Click here to visit our frequently asked questions about HTML5 video. Boundaries in Dating book. Read reviews from the world's largest community for readers. Boundaries in Dating offers illuminating insights for roma Missing: index ?| Must include: index.
I really think all couples should read this before either dating or while being in a relationship. This can save a lot of broken hearts. Loved it. Jun 25, Paul Lyons rated it liked it. The core of the book focuses on one's boundaries Part 1 of the book focuses on one's needs The doctors stress that dating is for adults, and not for children It's important that one approaches dating as a want and desire to find a mate or husband or wifeand not about filling a hole in one's life It's okay if someone "completes you", yet one should not use one's romantic partner to make up for one's shortcomings A key chapter for me, was "Adapt Now, Pay Later Though it's good to put your best foot forward in order to court or impress a date, it's important that you present the best of who you really are.
Failure to do so may result in confusion, and resentment This is a trap I have fallen into on too many occasions sad to say The love and support of friends and family is essential to a healthy dating life. Friends keep you balanced, and remind you of life's realities. If you hide whom you are dating from loved ones, there's a risk that may be with the wrong person. Friends and family can only help to put things in proper perspective Though I can't say I enjoyed reading this book.
Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend's prose was a frustrating mixture of clarity and confusion; I stumbled with more than a few passages.
I also felt a little detached about some of the book's content Yet all the same, I found much of the book helpful, and many of its points rang very true for me. Sep 15, Cami rated it it was amazing. Excellent book to read before you make the leap. I only wish I'd read it earlier in life and had the capacity to follow the advice within.
Jan 28, Debica rated it liked it. The opening really captured my full attention when it began with a very common story that we can totally relate to.
And when your interest is captured, there comes the means. This book helps you to discover what you want in a relationship, what kind of partner that is suitable for you and what kind of person you should be to pick the right person and build a life-term relationship.
Detail enough, the analogies were awesome, that the arguments were much easier to visualize. However, ha Goodstuff. However, hard for me to fathom why God was brought in, in majority of the topics.
Instead, human values and feelings should be the highlight when decisions are to be made. Its very difficult to explain or understand a subject when the explanation or the conclusion is just- God. Nevertheless i thought the explanation on the spritual part, culture etc, made very good sense, but one part kind of left me mute, where the book says 'reserve your romantic feelings for people in the same religion of you' Well, thats definitely something i gotta do some research on, intriguing.
No doubt there is so much take away from this book. It should have been more solid, to satisfy me. There was a lot I already knew, so it was kind of review. I had one beef with the authors' premise.
They mention different times and in different ways that dating is how you learn about yourself and grow. It seemed to me almost like they were saying that dating is the best if not only way for those things to happen.
I strongly disagree on that. Maybe I got the There was a lot I already knew, so it was kind of review.
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Maybe I got the wrong impression and that's not what they meant at all, but that's how it came across to me. I've never dated, and I have a fairly good idea of the kinds of things I'm looking for.Boundaries in Dating How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships - Therapy Audiobooks
I think it's a terrible idea to use a dating relationship, the dating realm, primarily as a training ground. Yes, you will inevitably grow and learn about yourself, but I don't think that's a reason to date.
I've learned a lot more about relationships and myself through observing relationships around me and through my friendships. No dating necessary. So there were things I disagreed with, but also a lot of great wisdom as well. Not a book I'm sorry I read, by any means.
Jan 20, Katie rated it really liked it. While not everything applied to me, I did find a lot of good reminders and overall truths. What I really liked about the book was that it forced me to stop and examine my past behaviors and think about not repeating them, as well as constructive ways to turn those past behaviors into positives.
For example, saying you want your date to do something without consequences is nagging - but if you give realistic consequences attached to your disapproval of a certain behavior, and follow through, that is beneficial for both of you. The book does a good job at outlining "boundaries," as would be expected - but really, those boundaries are healthy ways to stand up for yourself, healthy expectations for a relationship, and making sure the view in your mind of what dating truly consists of is what it should be.
As someone re-entering the dating world after a 9-year hiatus, there were a lot of good reminders and constructive take-aways. Jan 27, Alla Kim rated it really liked it. I really enjoyed this book and recomend this book to anyone with relationship problems or worries etc.
Break highlighted fragments at the next sentence boundary, as determined by NJDEP Statewide Grid boundaries in dating index of Quarterquad Boundaries. Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy pornthipseastore.comg: index ?| Must include: index. Feb 21, - Boundaries in Dating offers illuminating insights for romance that can help you grow in freedom, honesty, and self-control as you pursue a.
This book is a book that can help you have a healthy christian relationship with your partner. I believe that in every relationship you need god to help you grow in love and life. Boundries in Dating can really connect with the reader and help the reader understand relationships and the cause of problems etc. This book really opens your eyes as you read it and you begin to realize things in you I really enjoyed this book and recomend this book to anyone with relationship problems or worries etc.
This book really opens your eyes as you read it and you begin to realize things in your relationship that you have never seen before or even thought of. The author writes alot about different situations that can occur in your relationship. It advices you on what you should do when your in certain posistions or problems.
To me this book had many answers that i had about relationships, and it helped me understand many causes that lead to bad relationships, lies, cheating, adultry etc. This book is a good book for anyone who is struggling or curious in there relationships. I started reading this book last October when I first started dating my fiance.
Over time, marriage preparation books became more important, and this book was set aside. I finally decided to skim through the last pages so that I could know that I had completed this book. While there is some useful information in this book, the material wasn't nearly as applicable as the material in the original "Boundaries" book. For me, it was hard to get through "Boundaries in Dating," but it may be that I started reading this book last October when I first started dating my fiance.
For me, it was hard to get through "Boundaries in Dating," but it may be that I was less interested because my relationship quickly moved beyond the relationship stages addressed in these pages. View all 4 comments.
Oct 17, Jesse rated it really liked it Shelves: psychologychristian-spirituality. As I read through this, I couldn't help but think at how much common sense was in it, and how obvious his points were. It almost seemed insulting to my intelligence. But I also couldn't help but think how many people fail to live up to such simple, common sense principles.
I see reviews of this book where people never got much out of it because everything in it seemed so obvious to them, but I question if they actually have a healthy dating life and are actually using these principles, or are sh As I read through this, I couldn't help but think at how much common sense was in it, and how obvious his points were.
I see reviews of this book where people never got much out of it because everything in it seemed so obvious to them, but I question if they actually have a healthy dating life and are actually using these principles, or are sharing this wisdom with struggling friends.
The reason why a book is written like this is because our culture has made a mess of dating and sexuality, and many people need the advice given in this book.
Aug 29, Brandon H. While it wasn't the most exciting read it did have important information one should know when it comes to relationships and dating. Wish I would have read it when it first came out! If you practice the principles offered in it, it will not only help you grow but also attract the healthy people ready for a relationship that has the potential to last and be fulfilling. It will also help you improve relationship you're in or help you see the need to move on to a better relationship.
A quote: "Often While it wasn't the most exciting read it did have important information one should know when it comes to relationships and dating. A quote: "Often when a person begins working on his own growth the right person seems to come along. Maybe God has preserved that person from your immaturity until you wouldn't reek havoc with her.
John Townsend Jun 22, Hillary Etheridge rated it it was amazing. I bought this book years ago before I really entered the dating world. I highly recommend this book to those in the trenches of dating. Young or old. It's so good. I wish I read this a long time ago I learned a lot reading this book. What I learned could have saved me a tremendous amount of heartache. I recommend it to anyone struggling with relationship issues.
Feb 28, M rated it did not like it. Most who kissed Fundamentalist Christianity goodbye long ago probably won't choose to read this anyway. I read this one to balance out "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joahsu Harris, which it did nicely.
Kind of pyschological, understandable considering the authors, but it was good for me. Jun 12, Nik rated it really liked it. Very good. Practical Christian dating without an emotional twist. There are no discussion topics on this book yet. However, I disagree with him strongly in one point and I feel that he skirted one important issue. Near the end of the book he gives an example where a child refuses to go to school and the mother realizes she "can't make the child go to school" but sets the boundary that the child will have to stay in his room if he doesn't go to school.
The problem with that logic is, if you can't "make a child go to school" how can you "make a child stay in his room"? We can't make a child enjoy school or even pay attention to the teachers, these things take incentives and consequences, but parents do still need to hold onto the reigns on certain issues.
It is a delicate line, but I can and do "make" my children go to school. The other issue is one of an abusive marriage. He talks about putting up boundaries and leaving for the night if these boundaries are violated. This is always done for a short period of time and then the abused spouse returns home. There are situations where this is effective. But in a true abusive situation physical or mental it is playing with fire to leave and return over and over.
The physical abuser can be deadly. A mental abuser will learn how to better manipulate her victim without his realizing that his boundaries have been violated and thereby twisting reality even further. Any abusive person is not to be trifled with, and without genuine repentance and clear signs of change one is foolish to continue to expose themselves to that risk regardless of history, children, or feelings.
For all of his insight, I am shocked that this is not made more clear. For example, you probably know someone who has a money problem. He spends recklessly and doesn't really think about the consequences of his actions. This can be traced back to his parents never establishing their own boundaries. They would always bail the son out whenever he ran out of money and tell him to be better next time. They never let him "feel" the consequences.
And so he never learned. There's so many other brilliant examples of the importance of boundaries and how they affect the people around us. I learned a lot about myself through the sections that detail boundaries with friends, family, and work.
The one that impacted me the most was the section on Boundaries with Myself. I grew up with parents who while loving, also created situations for me where I was not able to feel the consequences, and so I behave in certain ways that I'm trying to fix. When I was first referred to this book, I wasn't told this book had a heavy religious undertone the conflict of setting boundaries and being a good person in the eye of God.
Boundaries in dating index
I'm not religious, so the biblical references didn't really matter to me much, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from them. The concepts themselves made sense to me and I would recommend this book to anyone who believes they have boundary problems. This book was recommended to me by a counselor at my church. Initially I had a hard time getting into it but I stuck with it and I am so glad that I did!
It provides incredible insight into why we behave the way we do, where those habits come from and how to get out of them if need be. I have tried to start applying the principles to my life and I have to say that the description of how people react to the initial phase of boundary setting has proven to be very accurate. Hint: If you've always been a people pleaser, they are going to have a difficult time with the new you until they get adjusted.
I feel like this is helping me realize that it is ok to say no to certain requests or to certain people who suck the life out of you. I feel more capable of coping with the challenging people in my life now. I was not a doormat before by any means but I have always had the tendency to give until I had little left for my self or my own family.
This book should be called "How to accept who you are, be confident about telling people no, and have confidence in making decisions". This is an excellent book for those looking to understand the reasons behind deep emotional road blocks. I have read this book twice because it opened so many doors in my mind and lead me towards answers I had been seeking.
If you're not religious it may sound a little to holy at first but by the end of the book you'll have a much better understanding of god and his teachings. I never saw myself going to church or reading the bible but after reading this book it helped me accept responsibility for my problems and understand how god and his teachings exist for that very reason. Each individual is responsible for the quality of his or her own life.
It teaches that by accepting things which may have happened to you aren't necessarily your fault but are still your responsibility to deal with, get over, and forgive in order to move on a be a whole person is a fundamental part of life. This one of a few books which may really change your life if you're struggling with being happy and being okay with who you are.
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