Main -> Dating -> Are There Money-Related Relationship Dealbreakers?

Are There Money-Related Relationship Dealbreakers?

The Hidden Reasons People Spend Too Much

I was all of 14 years old when I first felt the immediate, glowing rush of delivering a gift to someone I was endlessly infatuated with. Now, in my hand, was the fruit of that labor: a small ankle bracelet, plated in gold. It was a gift for my then-girlfriend, whom I also considered my closest confidant and shoulder to lean on. I loved seeing her light up at the sight of the cheap velvet jewelry box, complete with a petite green-and-red Christmas bow. And I loved seeing our friends ask about it.

That's the pep talk you give yourself every time you feel doubts creeping in. But no matter how often you give yourself that same internal lecture, those worries linger. Let's explore this topic in depth. Are you financially compatible?

Why Some Men Can't Stop Compulsively Spending Money On Women It was a gift for my then-girlfriend, whom I also considered my . So why do so many men view spending on their partners as a worthwhile challenge?.

We're also not talking about setting standards based on bank balance, portfolio size, or net worth. We're discussing the habits that a person displays with regard to their treatment of money.

Whoa, we are spending a LOT of money dating, according to this new study

Do they spend without regard, mindlessly throwing down their credit card at any impulsive whim that strikes their fancy? Or are they miserly, refusing to spend money on even the most basic goods, and leaving restaurant tables with only a 10 percent tip for the server? Do they brag about their investmentstelling war stories about how they jumped in and out of the market a dozen times in the last week?

That they base every move on some "hot tip" they read online or see on TV? Do they gloat about the idea that they'll "soon" be making double-digit returns, just as soon as this next get-rich-quick scheme comes to fruition? Or do they stare at you blankly the moment that you casually mention your k account? After an awkward silence, do they ask you what on earth that strange combination of letters and numbers mean?

And when you explain that it's a retirement account, do they scoff at the idea of saving for retirement at your age? These are strong symptoms of a fundamental incompatibility — not around money, but around your worldview, values, and vision for the future.

This isn't about money. The other person's treatment of money is the symptom. But their wildly-different-worldview is the problem — or at least, the incompatibility.

If you're a saver and a conservative-to-moderate investor, there's a strong chance that your worldview and priorities include planning for the futuredelaying gratification, and making logical, well-reasoned decisions based on data. It's no surprise, in that circumstance, that a relationship with someone who's impulsive, makes erratic and emotional decisions, lives in the moment with zero regard for the future, and whose bank balance is prone to wild swings may not be compatible with you.

Sure, those character traits may not manifest in the way that the two of you handle your finances. But the underlying issue isn't the money itself; it's the fact that you hold different visions, habits, and practices for how you manage your lives.

But even $80 is way too much to spend to be bored, mansplained to, more than half of men actually THINK a guy should pay on the first date. How many are too many, and how bad is too bad? When one or both partners are out of control, spending money without letting each other know, going over However, you may be dating someone who doesn't budget. Modified date: April 18, If you've ever been with someone who mismanages their finances, that's probably not very Is it more about getting out of the office for a little while or do they feel too rushed to pack a lunch from home? Is their.

While opposites attract, and opposites can sometimes counterbalance one another, people who are too opposite may have a tough time combining their lives and futures together as a singular unit.

In other words, it's not shallow to view financial habits as a relationship red flag, because the issue isn't the partner's net worth — it's the partner's priorities. If you spot a red flag, it's better to face this warning sign at the beginning of a relationship, before it becomes a bigger issue in your life.

According to a CNBC report, finances are the leading cause of stress in long-term relationships, with 35 percent of respondents saying that money is a major source of conflict within their relationship. The issue appears to become worse as couples get older, with 44 percent of respondents between the ages of 44 to 54 stating that money is the single biggest cause of conflict within their relationship.

While the survey didn't measure why financial conflict is more highly reported in that age bracket, here's one hypothesis: couples over 40 need to deal with a huge array of financial obligations.

When You’re A Girl Who Spends Too Much Money

Many have a mortgagechildren, college savings, retirement savings, health bills, and possibly other debt. The result? There's a chance that the financial conflict could actually reflect an underlying conflict about priorities.

What's more important: paying for those horseback riding classes that the children desperately want, or saving for their college education? Another possible reason that people ages 44 to 54 report such high conflict levels?

When it comes to love, so many of us are on a constant quest to find the But when choosing someone to potentially spend our lives with, so many of us Perhaps you've only been dating for a few months, and you fear that. Some guys don't mind spending their paychecks on dating. Others If you're broke and frugal, your girlfriend with expensive taste might not find it so charming . Date the guy that will save up, so you two can pool your money The guy that spoils your loved ones almost as much as he spoils you. Date.

It could be that the stakes are higher. People's incomes tend to rise over time as they develop work experience and gain promotions. An undesirable financial habit that may not have raised alarms when it only affected a small amount of money might cause arguments when it impacts a larger sum.

In other words, nearly 1 in 2 couples say that they have different spending and saving habits. Of course, different habits can be a blessing. The spender may encourage the saver to relax and enjoy the moment. Likewise, the saver may encourage the spender to think carefully about the future, create detailed plans, and refrain from momentary impulses.

This balance can be healthy. That disconnect in worldviews might be one of the reasons why some couples hide financial transactions from one another. If that doesn't alarm you, this next statistic might: according to the CNBC report, 6 percent of respondents said that they maintain a "secret" credit card or bank account that their spouse or partner isn't aware of.

In fact, a different CNBC report puts a specific number to this data: 7. This data reflects only couples who live in the same household and view themselves as "together. Speaking of divorce, the same report cited a longitudinal study of 4, couples conducted by Kansas State University in which the researchers found that "arguments about money was by far the top predictor of divorce. Meanwhile, a survey of financial analysts who specialize in working with divorce cases found that money-related conflict was one of the top three causes of divorce, along with infidelity and basic incompatibility.

And as we've discussed, "basic incompatibility" and financial incompatibility may be related.

Given this bleak glimpse into the lives of couples who argue about money or hide their financial transactions from one another, it's no wonder that nearly 3 in 4 respondents say that they now believe it's "moderately or highly important" to find a mate who holds a similar approach to money management and budgeting. That leads us back to our previous discussion — is it okay to decide that certain financial habits or attitudes are relationship deal-breakers, particularly if you're "just dating" or in the early stages of a relationship?

You're the only person who can answer that question for yourself. But given that financial stress is one of the top triggers for both divorce and relationship conflict, there are strong arguments in favor of establishing money-related relationship deal-breakers. Although this conversation has mostly focused on the saving and spending attributes of day-to-day money management, you may want to also consider your personal "deal-breaker" parameters relating to investment styles.

Imagine, for a moment, that one partner is a risk-averse investor. They prefer to keep their long-term savings in bonds and Treasury bills. Normally, maybe you wouldn't care, but you're both saving up for a big trip, and this purchase put a dent into the trip fund — or what have you.

It's a short-term solution, hoping that it will not come up, but when it does, you've added betrayal to the financial issue. Also, the spender can get more out of control if he or she feels criticized and disapproved of by the saver. Sometimes, one partner will criticize the other for one kind of spending say, eating out a lot, or buying computer components while equally overspending in a different way say, for clothes or household goods.

Only, he didn't tell her before they got married. When they became husband and wife, she became responsible for that student loan debt, too. Eventually, they divorced — the debt hadn't torn them apart as much as the dishonesty behind it.

These problems might be solved, but you two need both debt counseling and relationship counseling to find out if you can save your marriage. I know a guy whose wife became addicted to credit cards, so much so that her compulsive shopping habit started to take precedence over their kids' needs, like school supplies.

He threatened to divorce her unless she cut up all her credit cards and got help from a financial advisor. It did work out for my friend and his wife, because she got the money management help she needed. She also started to see a therapist to get to the root of why purchases made her happy — at least, why she thought they made her happy — and her marriage even ended up better in the end.

Dating an over-spender actually lowers your quality of life, science confirms By socialization agents, she means people who can teach and influence If your partner is bad with money, you might become bad with money too, which in Couples talk biggest money fights and most expensive purchases. Two couples on a date at the lake. ••• Christian Thomas Why It Could Be a Bad Idea to Date Someone Financially Incompatible Maybe they spend too much. Is your boyfriend bad with money, but you love him too much to leave? Is your girlfriend in debt? I need some serious advice on how to financially navigate my relationship. His daughter eats my food and I will spend hours meal planning to look in the refrigerator finding my weeks-worth of meal prep.

You may be the type of person who was raised balancing a checkbook for kids and saving money not only in your piggy bank, but also depositing some into a bank account — and yes, you were a child, but your parents trained you to budget from an early age. You kept up those good money habits into adulthood and know where every penny goes — or almost every penny.

However, you may be dating someone who doesn't budget. Instead, perhaps they live paycheck-to-paycheck and have no rhyme or reason to their spending — when their two-week pay is up, it's up… that is, until they get paid and start the mismanaged-money cycle all over again. And forget about mentioning the "b" word to them… unless you want to start an all-night argument about it.

But, it is possible to help them get on the right making-a-budget track if they're willing.

It suggests spending no more than 50 percent of your after-tax income on necessities, no more than 30 percent on wants, and at least 20 percent on savings and debt repayment. If that sounds hard to achieve now, try making small changes at first, like negotiating down your cable bill. You don't have to be living with your partner to notice that they're not paying their bills on time.

Dating someone who spends too much money

Perhaps you see the late notices in a stack of mail at their place, or maybe they talk about all the late fees they're paying — again. In either case, this is not a great sign that they're keeping on top of their finances. If you do live together, however, there is a way for your partner to pay their part of the bills on time.

When you mention " k " to your significant other, they panic. Or, worse yet, they ask you what that means. True story! But if they have no savings at all, and don't even mention investmentsit's a cause for concern. The worst-case scenario is that they're building credit card debt or choosing not to save in an emergency fund. That could affect you if one day you want to rent a place or buy a house together and your partner's poor credit holds you back.

Or, with no savings, they could be in a difficult spot if they lose their job or have unexpected medical expenses. Does your partner cringe or change the subject when you ask what their credit score is? Although bad credit in and of itself does not have to be a dealbreaker, if your partner has a lot of other financial red flags, you may want to take this one more seriously. After all, a good credit score effects everything from applying for loans to financing a car or house.

In essence, it affects your life together. You and I probably both know someone who needs a "loan" sometimes — whether it's so they can cover their rent this month or pay their cell phone bill. But it usually boils down to one thing: money management, and their lack of it.

1 comments Add your comment below

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *